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Green Day - Jesus of Suburbia |
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Do you consider yourself cool?
You do, huh?! Then surely you must have one of these new age diseases – Lactose Intolerance, Attention Deficit HyperActivity Disorder (ADD is passe), Postpartum Depression (dudes steer clear of this one, it is exclusively for dudettes), Histrionic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Telephilia, Hyperchondria or you must atleast have some Mood Disorder.
Don’t have any of these? Still people consider you are hip? No wonder, you probably live in that inconsequential area conveniently lumped together as the ‘Rest Ofthe World’(ROW)! Where I live right now, which obviously is not in the impoverished ROW, people have stopped taking responsibilities for their actions. We have these euphemistically named ailments to cover our faces from the raised eyebrows and the numerous law suits floating about, ready to make a kill anytime someone lowers their guard.
In this land of the free, New Age Disorders are free for all. Grabbing the chance, some of my friends have fashionably acquired Lactose Intolerance after coming here. It is such a groovy ailment which presents no danger of being branded a fruitcake. The wealthier, more sophisticated ones have made it a point to include a therapist in their retinue of personal assistants. Now their grocer has married their therapist, so they could one-stop shop.
If you are a good listener and have an extra couch at home or can afford to buy one, you should seriously consider being a therapist (if you don’t like the grocer, you don’t have to marry him). It’s such a fun job – you can telecommute from your bedroom to your office(room) where you will be visited by cool people who will enact the soap operas of their lives while you get paid for being entertained. Better than reality TV, I’d say. All you have to do is to make sounds expressing concern and understanding once in a while.
In a country where you cannot smack your own unruly kid in public without the danger of being accused of child abuse, you have a handy disorder to blame it all on – Attention Deficit HyperActivity Disorder! They say in ROW, they just give the child a smack and ask him/her to behave properly. Such cruel dimwits!!!
If kids have their convenient disorders, mothers have their share too. None of our mothers had heard about it, but all my girl friends who became mothers recently had it – Postpartum Depression. Our mothers were busy trying to make ends meet. They had to rush back to work after the third week of delivery and had to manage their own homes sans W/Ds and dishwashers. When they came home from work in the evening, the bawling baby waiting to be fed came with a complimentary load of soiled cloth diapers. Where was the time to get depressed?
Men don’t have to feel cheated that they didn’t get a fair share of these funky ailments. They have their own, Telephilia for example, is more or less exclusively male territory, where the stricken will sit with a remote in his hand for days in the same position, provided there is a TV on somewhere in his visibility range.
It is a beautiful and disorder-friendly world out here. Please refer the New Age Disease Dictionary, there are plenty of tasteful three word ailments you can attribute your misdoings and misdemeanors to. Whatever you do, don’t be a schmuck and take responsibility for your actions. The ROW can go to hell, if it is not already there. I repeat, do not take any responsibility for your actions.
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diffdrummer's journal